If it seems old fashioned to expect someone to hold the door open, write thank-you notes or hold the elevator for other people, or simply say “please” and “thank you,” then call me old-fashioned, because I believe that manners should be timeless.

Manners are more than rules of etiquette. They are the social skills we use to show others that the world doesn’t revolve around ourself. It’s making eye contact when talking to another person. It’s a firm handshake when meeting. It’s holding the elevator door for someone running to catch it – and then pressing their floor button if you’re closer to it.

It’s about letting people merge in traffic – and offering grace to the driver who is obviously searching for an address. It’s not laying on the horn a half-second after the light turns green. Good manners show our fellow humans that we care about them.

You can learn a lot about manners or lack thereof in a parking lot.

I could probably write a book about poor parking manners. Not parking between the lines, sitting in the car and stalling when people are waiting for a spot, taking a space someone else was waiting for. We’ve all had annoying parking incidents, however, there are those occasional positive experiences  – and I had one recently!

I was running errands with my daughter when we pulled into a crowded shopping center and noticed an empty spot right up front. We assumed it was reserved for disabled drivers or  take-out pickup. There was a sign that upon closer inspection, read: “This space reserved for people who open the door for others.” 

I looked over at my daughter and stated: “well, we both do that, so I guess we can park here.” I found it strange that no one else had taken the spot. Is it possible that some people are self-aware that they are rude – and don’t want others to think that they’d actually open the door for another person?

A few days later, we drove to the beach and upon entering the hotel parking area, a huge pickup truck started careening towards us in reverse. Assuming the driver didn’t see our car, I honked the horn. The driver kept reversing – as did I to avoid getting hit. When he finally slowed down to pass us, we glanced over with incredulous looks on our faces.

The driver – a young man in his twenties, rolled down his window. Thinking he was going to apologize, we rolled down ours as well. His response? Not, “I’m sorry, but: “You got something to say? You want to do this? We can do this right now…” This directed at a middle-aged woman (me) and her 31-year-old daughter. Thankfully, with a roar only a pickup truck can make, he took off. Did a young man in a pick-up truck really just threaten us?

Where have all the manners gone?

I know I’m not the only one wondering, so I asked friends and readers to weigh in: “Are good manners still a thing? Care to share your own anecdotes?” Not surprisingly, the responses flooded in.

Ruth Vedvik shared, “Rude behavior has gotten so routine that I find it uplifting when someone exercises good manners and polite social behavior. Formerly, I’d be annoyed or aggravated when encountering someone rude. Now I try to ignore it and not let it ruin my moment. So, when I get a genuine smile and an offer to go first, or a polite thank you when I offer, I feel happy in the moment. Thanks to all the polite people out there! You make my moments!”

Kim Arnold adds: “I try to go out of my way to be polite. When someone helps me find something at a store, or is the person checking out my items, I not only thank them, but give them increased eye contact and a smile – and add something more than just “thank you“ like, “I really appreciate your help today.”

Dave Barr weighed in with: “Here’s my two cents. I go with the Dalai Lama – “Be kind whenever possible. Footnote – it is always possible”. I find the hallmark of good behavior is at convenience stores. When coming in and out of convenience stores, people seem to go out of their way to hold the door open for other people. If we could carry that behavior through to everyday life consistently – the world would be a better place. So, I try and go with the convenience store mentality.”

 A perpetually kind and friendly Yvonne Redman advises: “When you see someone you know nearby, just a wave, a “good morning” and maybe a “how are you?” goes a long way to acknowledge that you notice them – and takes so little effort.”

When it comes to good manners, It’s the little things – like holding that door open, that make other’s want to pay it forward. Who doesn’t feel better about themselves after performing a good deed or just being a nice person? Those caring acts of kindness can make someone’s day just a bit brighter. So how about it? Why not practice good manners today – and every day?